The following song appeared on Stan Freberg's 1966 album Freberg Underground! Show No. 1:
Recorded: 1965
Released: 1966
Track No.: #A4
Length: 7:05
Recording (start at 17:32 - song starts at 23:06)
Digit Dialing Demonstration/"They Took Away Our Murrayhills!" [sic]
DIGIT DIALING DEMONSTRATION
DIGIT DIALING DEMONSTRATION
ANNOUNCER: The nineteenth century fairly crackled with the brilliant
inventions of Thomas Edison, Samuel Morse, and Alexander Graham Bell.
Tonight, we welcome the the 20th century inventor, who has tried to
streamline Mr. Bell's invention. The inventor of all-digit dialing, Mr. Ned
Numeral!
FREBERG: Good evening!
NUMERAL: Good evening.
FREBERG: Uh, take a couple steps to your left, there, Mr. Numeral.
NUMERAL: All right. Ok?
FREBERG: Oonch a little bit further.
NUMERAL: Too about where that big X is on the floor?
FREBERG: Ah, that's right.
NUMERAL: Very well.
FREBERG: Ok, let her go, boys!
NUMERAL: What do I do
[Trapdoor Opens]
nooww...
[Splash]
FREBERG: I hope he had some shark repellent there with him. So much for
digit dialing. And now...
[Knock]
Excuse me just a moment. Come in...
EMERSON: Mr. Freberg?
FREBERG: Yes?
EMERSON: I'm from the telephone company.
FREBERG: My check is in the mail.
EMERSON: I was referring to what you did to Mr. Numeral; I didn't find that
too amusing.
FREBERG: Oh?
EMERSON: It might interest you to know that all digit numbers are easier.
FREBERG: Really?
EMERSON: People are tired of trying to remember things like MurrayHill 5
or Trinity6. Too hard. We simplified it for them. We gave them area code
212-473-29768, for example.
FREBERG: Ah, world of difference there. I didn't notice you consulting us
about it, though. Putting it up to a vote.
EMERSON: We put it up to the machine.
FREBERG: The what?
EMERSON: The computer. Here, I have a picture of it in my wallet. See here?
It's called UniVac.
FREBERG: Ah, yes, uh-huh.
EMERSON: Here's another shot of it, taken with our two smaller machines.
That was taken last summer!
FREBERG: You have a nice family. The oldest computer there-
EMERSON: UniVac?
FREBERG: Yes, it has a familiar look to it.
EMERSON: Really? Well, it's standing right over here.
FREBERG: Where?
[Footsteps]
EMERSON: Mr. Numeral was planning on giving you a digit demonstration before
you were so rude to him.
FREBERG: Sorry about that...
EMERSON: I'll just pull the curtains aside here.
FREBERG: Alright.
[Beeping]
EMERSON: Meet UniVac.
FREBERG: Uh, did this computer select the actual name All-Digit Dialing for
you?
EMERSON: Yes.
FREBERG: What were some of the names it rejected?
EMERSON: The Green Hornet, The FBI In Peace And War...
FREBERG: Yes. I thought it looked familiar! Does it do away with a great
many employees?
EMERSON: It eliminates 832.1 persons.
FREBERG: Is that a fact.
EMERSON: We feed our problem into the computer, it thinks it over for a while,
zap!, out comes the answer. Here, I'll give someone's old telephone number to
the machine, let me see...Lackawanna8400, and show you how it's converted to
an all-digit number. We just slide the card in a slot here, there we go...
[Beeping]
UNIVAC: The card you have given me -click- is outside my programming area
I convert only Et -click- water through Jetson Lackawanna is handled by
another computer Please check the yel -click- low pages of your instruction
manual for the proper machine This is a recording.
EMERSON: Heh heh, that's sort of embarrassing...
FREBERG: Embarrassing, yes.
EMERSON: Yes, here, I have another card, uh, there we go...
FREBERG: It was sort of all scrunched up in your wallet there, does that
matter?
EMERSON: That doesn't matter.
[Beeping, Honk]
UNIVAC: The card you have given me is mutilated It may be that you have
folded it incorrectly or carried it all scrunched up in your wallet Please
make sure from now on that it is a nice straight card and that you are
feeding it to me correct -click- ly This is a very angry recording.
EMERSON: Well, uh, that, uh, that gives you a rough idea.
FREBERG: Yes indeed.
EMERSON: There's no nonsense with the computer, you know right where you
stand.
FREBERG: A little to one side, I should imagine. Do you forsee an all digit
society with numbers for people instead of names, Mister, uh, I didn't catch
your name...
EMERSON: Emerson, I.B. Emerson. That's the sum and total of it, yes. All
digit dialing is just the beginning. And you wait. It's going to get a
tremendous reception...
FREBERG: And I think I hear it coming now.
[Door Open, Screaming Mob]
Here's all yours, folks!
EMERSON: No, no, please! Help! Put me down! Just wait until you try to get
an extension phone!
[Door Slam]
FREBERG: Looks like they've got his number all right. All right people, uh,
let's open our Manhattan Telephone Directory Hymnals to page 212.
AUDIENCE MEMBER: What area code?
FREBERG: All right, cut that out, now. Here we go.
[Music]
(Song: "They Took Away Our MurrayHills!")
They took away our MurrayHills
They took away our Sycamores
They took away Trafalgar and State
They took away our Plaza, our Yukon, our Michigan
And left us with 47329768
Remember Susquehanna!
With a hi-ho 370
And a merry 54422
Who said it's cumbersome
See the nice number some
UniVac machine's gone and picked out for you
They took away our Lexingtons
They took away our Delawares
They came and got Tuxedo and State
They swiped ElDorado, and Judson, and Trinity
And left us with 47329768
Blessings on the telephone company!
With a hi-ho 370
And a merry 54433
Goodbye dear old prefix
Hello 736
Oh they're a million laughs down at AT&T
T&T!